We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
