remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
