somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
