so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
