dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
