walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
