Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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