you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
