were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
