I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
