Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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