i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
