Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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