I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
