How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
