whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
