Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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