My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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