It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
