No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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