Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
