Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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