Porn is love you can see.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
