Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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