I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
