Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
