just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
