I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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