After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
