Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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