she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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