WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
