my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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