Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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