does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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