Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
