Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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