Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
