every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
