she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Reggie can tackle my bush.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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