would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
