does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
