He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
