Well douche your snatch and let's go!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
