Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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