thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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