Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
