Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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