I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
