You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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