I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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