He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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