I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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