The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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