i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
