um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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