Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
