never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
