Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
