You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every concussion has its silver lining
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
