He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
