Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
