Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
