Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
