She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
