Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize