So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
