Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come share oat with me in your robe
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
