SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Alive.
So much puke
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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