i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you will always have a special place in my vag
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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