Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
