I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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